I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
