I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i believe in u and ur pee
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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