This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am mentally ready for anal.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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