On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
