paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
