Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Less talking, more tequila
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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