well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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