I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
