no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We smell like vodka and hangover
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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