I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
