Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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