i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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