so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
