i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize