someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
