Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
