a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
