I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.