I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
