when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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