I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.