apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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