I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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