I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.