The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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