That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
