I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
