So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize