If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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