Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
