i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
