Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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