I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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