Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
