have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize