just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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