i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize