Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
