i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
