I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
