So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
