i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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