The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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