Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
