apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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