im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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