Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
