is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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