He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
