Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
