That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Randomize
