Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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