Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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