Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
