Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
