i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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