A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
