dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
