She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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