I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
