My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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