He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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