you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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