So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
