I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
